My Lover's Lover
by loveandaudrey
Summary: Esme finds her true mate in not one but two vampires, Carlisle and Edward, who both want her attention and love. In 1927 she makes a deal with them: every other year she will take a break from her marriage to Carlisle and be Edward's wife. Edawrd hates this system but he loves Esme too much to do anything. What will happen when Bella Swan moves to town? Will Edward's love change?


**"I have no desire to suffer twice, in reality and then in retrospect."**

**- Sophocles, Oedipus Rex**

**"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."**

**- Unknown**

* * *

**June 15, 1927**

**Bandon, Oregon**

**Cullen House**

There must be something wrong with me. Some sort of malfunction inside my brain feeding me these perverted thoughts. Surely they aren't from my own mind, for I would never think such things, especially about my friend's wife. Such a lovely lady she is, kind too. She doesn't realize that she's messing with the monster. I wish I could warn her, tell her to get away before she gets hurt. But I can't. Because if I talk to her I'll make a mistake, and that mistake will ruin something incredibly beautiful, a man's marriage, and I could never do that.

So I suppress these thoughts that fill my brain. I throw myself into my music, my writings, my books, in the hopes to dull the pain that has infected my reason. It rarely helps, for I can still feel her pull towards me, a beacon of light planted on a smoky horizon. I need her for myself. I am greedy in my wants, but somehow remained strong enough to stay away. I haven't hurt her yet, but nor have I socialized with her since she arrived over a year ago.

Carlisle finds this incredibly strange of course. Leave it to him to over analyze everything. He quickly found the flaw in my façade and questioned my apparently obvious misery. I had an answer ready and spat it out with only a hint of guilt. I couldn't let him know the real truth though.

At the time I couldn't imagine what he would have done if I had told him about what I was feeling for Esme. I was aware of his emotions toward her, and the steady mutual attraction from Esme, but had tried desperately to ignore it, the hope of somehow ending up with her still awake in my mind. I know now what he would have done. Carlisle would have stopped his relationship with Esme and suppressed his love just like me. He would have lived in the darkness, feeling the same misery as I do every day. We would be brothers, lusting for the one woman neither of us could ever own.

But sometimes things don't go the way you wish. Sometimes you not what you want nor need, but what you _deserve._

I deserve the fate I was given and I will carry the burden of forbidden love on my back for the rest of my days. I am nothing short of a monster, a monster that deserves to feel pain every second of every day, and pain I feel.

I can hear their thoughts downstairs. They understand that their thoughts are never private, but have yet to try and filter them. How disgusting it is to see the woman I love engage in such primal and sick acts with the man I consider a brother. The jealousy that explodes within me is hard to contain, but not impossible. Their thoughts, their fantasies, are so grotesque, and yet I still search them for some type of crack within their love. I look for my face within her thoughts, because more than anything I want her to love me like she loves him.

I pick up the book I'm reading, a Sophocles play called _Antigone_, and throw it across the room. It crashes into the wall, causing a minor dent to form. The paint chips off, an egg shell colored flake floating to the ground gracefully. The chair I'm sitting in creaks as I lean back, waiting for the onslaught of thoughts to assault my brain. Sure enough they come, as unrestricted and blunt as ever.

_Poor boy, I so dearly wish there was something I could do to help him. I've already tried so many times to talk to him and he just brushes me away. I'm so worried. Carlisle loves him so much; he's practically a son to him. Maybe one day he'll find happiness a girl, as I found happiness in Carlisle. _

Esme's reasoning was terribly ironic, and almost caused me to chuckle a bit. Oh how ignorant she is to what ails me. If only she knew.

_What is the matter son? What has you so distant? Esme and I want to help you but you have to let us. Please let us._

The old man's desperate pleas go unheard in my mind. The thought I suppose is somewhat comforting, it's always nice to know someone cares about your wellbeing, but in the end none of it really matters. The problem is trying to fix the problem, which of course makes the solution impossible. Carlisle cannot fix the issue. No one can aside from Esme, who would never in a million years leave her husband for a hormonal teenager.

Their tempered and worried thoughts are quick to die down, and before I can even pick my book back up their thoughts are back on each other. My stomach lurches and my eyes squeeze shut as I try to block their lustful thoughts. The selfish creature Carlisle has become sickens me. No longer can I control this demon within me, it must be relinquished or defeated.

I can hear them; their voices clear in my mind as they debate what to do. So ignorant. So foolish.

_Is Edward gone? I heard some rustling upstairs, maybe he jumped out the window to hunt or get some air. Hopefully he did, it's always so awkward to make love to Carlisle with him in the house. But God I need him. How long has it been since the last time? A couple of days? Feels more like a lifetime._

I cringe at Esme's thoughts. She can be so crass when she wants to be, though I will have to admit that is something I love about her.

_Esme looks so lovely, a pinnacle of true beauty. I should warn you, Edward, I would leave for a few minutes if I were you. Esme doesn't like talking to you through her thoughts, but I have no problem with it, especially when I can use it to warn you. A herd of elk is passing through a few miles north if you would like to hunt. It won't be long, I promise you that._

'It won't be long,' what an utter lie. He takes his time with his wife, and never rushes anything, much to my ire. If I believed every promise Carlisle told me I'd be in a grave somewhere outside of Chicago. He lost my trust years ago.

Carlisle thoughts bombarded my brain, but this time, for some reason, I let them. I allowed myself to succumb to his mind. I drifted into another state, an image appearing behind my eye lids. I quickly realized it was what Carlisle was seeing through his own eyes.

The living room was dimly lit, but bright enough to easily distinguish Esme's languid form. She wore a tight white dress that came down to mid-calf, though because of her position it had ridden up to her knee, exposing her pale flesh. Her full breasts flowed from the v-shaped neck of her dress, causing a bulge to form in not only Carlisle's pants but my own. She crossed her legs sexily and gave Carlisle an anxious look.

"Where's Edward?" she asked hesitantly, as if she weren't sure whether or not to go through with her devious plan.

"I'm sure he's gone by now, love," Carlisle cooed softly. Esme giggled as her husband moved toward her, slipping between her and the love seats' arm rest. He rested a hand on her knee, slowly allowing it to pull across her thigh, uncovering the creamy skin.

"Mhmm," Esme moaned as Carlisle's hand neared the apex between her legs. He pushed her dress up over her hips and teased her panty covered core with his forefinger. She writhed beneath him and arched her back, her hair fanning out over the cushion behind her.

Carlisle leaned down and captured her lips with his, a fire immediately igniting within him. She groaned when he removed his hand from her heat, deciding instead to run his hand over her breasts, cupping one in his palm. Esme nipped at his lips and thrust her tongue inside his mouth, causing him to moan in pleasure. To Carlisle, her lips tasted like cinnamon and apples and her venom tasted like syrup. She was so sweet, so delectable, and so perfect.

Carlisle assisted Esme when she made a move to remove her dress, pushing her sleeves down and pulling her arms out. He tugged the silky material off her womanly curves and tossed it over the back of the couch. Soon her slip and undergarments followed, leaving her completely bare. Carlisle admired his wife with hungry eyes, lust coating his thoughts.

I should stop now. Go hunt, maybe get out of town for a while, but I can't. It's not like I've never seen Esme naked before, God knows I've spied on them before, but this time felt different. Instead of feeling intense lust and pleasure I only felt desperation and anger. This isn't enough, not anymore. I've been doing this for six years, and now I'm fed up with it. I've had enough.

I don't deserve to sit here in complete misery for the rest of my immortal life. I need to leave, forever. Find somewhere new to stay, find someone new to love. They would miss me, and I know I would desperately miss Esme, but I would overcome my love, for there must be other women out there who would call to my heart like Esme does. As the saying goes there must be 'other fish in the sea'.

I placed my book back on the shelf before leaving my room. I silently walked down the staircase, careful to make little noise, for I didn't want to interrupt them. Well, not now anyway. I had a plan for how I would do that.

I sneaked around the corner, eyeing Carlisle over the couch. His back was facing me unlike Esme who was straddling his hips. Her eyes were closed in ecstasy as she grabbed onto Carlisle's bare shoulders. He massaged her breasts, lavishing them with open mouth kisses as he neared her shapely thighs. She maneuvered herself so he could reach her core with his tongue, and opened her legs wider, allowing for entry. Carlisle grinned as he leaned down and lapped at slit, paying extra attention to her swollen clit. Esme's back arched off the sofa as she moaned loudly, thrusting her head back with a slight scream.

Carlisle continued licking her folds, desperately trying to get her closer and closer to her release, for after that he would receive his own pleasure. I could sense Esme's orgasm nearing as she grew more feverish in her movements. Carlisle replaced his tongue with his fingers so he could allow Esme to taste herself on his lips. Esme's hips bounced to meet Carlisle's awaiting hand, his fingers delving deeper inside of her. She whimpered around his mouth, her eye lids fluttering open for less than a second.

But that was more than enough time for her to see me.

"Edward!" she gasped, pulling the dress down from the couch side. Carlisle grabbed his wife and pushed her behind him, obscuring her from view. A hint of a growl echoed from his throat, threatening me to back away.

I couldn't help the bubbles of laughter that sprang from my throat. Somehow the whole situation was just too hilarious. How stupid they were to assume I had gone, what selfish creatures they had become. But this was it. This was how it was going to end.

"Edward! What are you doing here? I-I thought you left!" Carlisle berated, his fingers frantically trying to maneuver his shirt back on. He managed to get one arm through the hole but only succeeded in tearing the other sleeve off in his hurried attempt. He growled and tossed it aside, instead deciding to pull on the jacket he had been wearing to hide his bare chest.

Esme hissed as she quickly pulled the dress over her bum and hips, not even bothering to put on her slip or bra. Carlisle reached over and helped her, running his hands through her hair trying to soothe her.

I thought about reaching out and touching her silky skin just once before I left, but in the end decided against it. I couldn't touch another man's wife. I just couldn't.

"I just can't do this anymore. I love you both, but I just can't. I'm sorry."

My sentences were short and choppy but somehow seemed to make more sense than a long drawn out goodbye. Haven't I already said enough? It's been years since I first met Carlisle, do I really need to say anything else?

Carlisle jerked himself off the couch, his hands in tight fists at his sides. He grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him, his expression somewhat crazed. I could see Esme in my peripheral; her lips parted sweetly, her eyes wide. She looked surprised but not entirely upset, as Carlisle was. I suppose she does have a good reason for not wanting me to stick around. Maybe she understood my want for her more then I previously thought.

"Son, please don't leave Esme and I, we really do love you. Together we have finally become what we always wanted; a family. We love you so much, and I know the diet is hard, but I'm sure we can find some sort of compromise-"

I grabbed Carlisle's hand tartly and tossed it off my shoulder, putting a little more power behind my throw then I had intended. Carlisle stumbled back a few steps, his arms jutting out in an attempt to keep his balance. Esme rushed forward, assisting him.

"You think I wanted this? You must be mistaken Carlisle, because this," I waved around the room, making sure to include both Carlisle and Esme, "this isn't what I wanted. Do you not see how utterly alone I am? I live in complete solitude because I cannot stand what has become of you. You wear your love like a badge across your chest; you're so prideful in your adoration of your wife, as if she were all you needed, but apparently she's not, because for the longest time all you needed was a friend, and for the longest time I played that role for you. But now, that's over. I don't want to be your 'son' Carlisle, sometimes I don't even want to be your friend, but I do want someone to love. I'm sick and tired of living in this dreaded house with two lovers who can't seem to control their thoughts. This is not what I want. I want to find love, and I want to live like a normal vampire. I don't want to live in your shadow and drain herds of deer dry for the rest of my days. This way of living is just too unbearable for me to stand any longer."

Esme's eyes locked with mine and I knew at that moment that _she _knew. I could feel the electricity in the air, floating through the room in shaky currents. Her thoughts were jumbled and confused, but in-between them I could see something different. It wasn't the love she had with Carlisle, not even close, but it was most certainly something. Her heart reached out to mine but I was already too far gone. I could never love a married woman. I may be a monster, but my mother still raised a gentleman.

"Carlisle, can you please leave the room for a moment. I need to talk with Edward privately," Esme whispered slowly, her lips at her husband's ear. Carlisle shuffled uncomfortably for a minute, but ultimately decided to trust his wife and disappear out the back door of the house. His thoughts grew dimmer as he raced towards the woods, his mind finally becoming nothing more than a distant memory.

For what seemed like a long time we just stood there, staring at each other awkwardly, wondering what to do next. Her thoughts evaded almost nothing, which had me not only worried but also curious. She was hiding her feelings incredibly well. If there were any feelings.

Her breathing was a reassuring sound, the soft wispy noise somewhat breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. I thought about breaking the silence more formally but I didn't really know what to say. What was I supposed to say? 'I really love you Esme, I want to be with you forever'. Oh, I'm sure that would go over well.

In all reality this time with Esme, though sweet, really wouldn't matter in a couple hours once I was thousands of miles away. Hopefully she would fade from my memories and I would be able to find someone new. Someone that would love me as much as I loved them.

Esme coughed lightly, her eyes moving from mine to the hardwood beneath her feet. Her anxiety was almost palpable in the air, but near nonexistent in her thoughts. She had quite an effective barricade in place.

"I understand what you feel for me, Edward, and I want you to know I sometimes feel it too."

Her last few words came out as a whisper but I heard them never the less.

_She loves me too?_

I felt my breath hitch in my lungs as her words registered in my mind.

_'I sometimes feel it too.' What does that mean?_

Esme laughed at my sheepish look, causing an invisible blush to form on my cheeks. She gracefully moved forward, her lips near inches from my face. Her golden colored eyes were speckled with bits of red, remnants from her last 'slip up'. For some reason this made me adore her even more. The more animalistic, feral side of Esme was incredibly erotic.

"Please don't be ashamed, no one is able to control who we love. God choses that for us," she cooed, running her lips against my cheek. She had to stand up a bit taller, as she was a good few inches shorter, but she certainly got her point across. Her lips were cool and icy against my skin, though not in an uncomfortable way. More in a beautiful way. I had been dreaming about this moment for so long and now it was finally here, if only for a second. I would relish in it.

"I know this is wrong, but I feel such a strong connection to you, Edward, and I'm so tired of fighting it. I love Carlisle with all my heart, I am married to him after all, but I love you too. I-I just don't know how to handle this," her voice faltered and fell off and she backed away from me, her lips leaving my cheek, causing me to whimper at the absence. She looked back at me, her eyes sad.

"If Carlisle ever found out about this…about these _feelings_, he would surely leave me. He doesn't deserve a cheating wife. But you don't deserve to be alone. So, just this once, kiss me, Edward. Please," she begged her hand around my wrist. She maneuvered herself into my embrace, leaning her head back slightly as her eyes drifted shut.

My complete astonishment melted away as I realized what was really happening. My love, my Esme, was asking for me to kiss her. Really kiss her by the looks of it, and all I can do is stand there in shock.

Finally I got up the nerve and leaned down, pressing my lips to hers, first tentatively and then with more passion. She moaned, her back arching under my hand, her caramel curls rolling over her shoulders in waves. She tasted sweet, an intoxicating mixture of blood and pine stinging my lips as she attacked me with equal ferocity.

Our tongues battled for dominance. Her experience won out and I allowed myself to become the submissive, my body relaxing into hers. She pushed into my chest, causing my back to come in contact with the wall behind us. Her hands found their way under my shirt, her fingers dancing across my stomach. Chills appeared on my skin as she began unbuttoning my shirt. She pulled one of my hands to her breast, quickly teaching me how to squeeze it through the fabric. The experience was new but easy to catch on.

She told me I was too good to be a virgin. I told her she was too young to be married to a three-hundred year old man. She got a real kick out of that.

Suddenly we were on the floor, her hands pinning me down on either side. She pulled her dress over her head, uncovering her body for my lustful eyes. She grinned as her nimble fingers went to my pants, unbuckling them swiftly. She slipped a hand under the waistband of my boxers and pulled them down over my aching length. She stared at me for a moment, probably comparing my size to her husband, something that didn't bother me as much as amused me.

"How do I measure up?" I asked rather cockily. She twisted a strand of hair around her finger and licked her lips cutely before answering.

"Sorry, honey, but Carlisle's got you beat, both ways. But you are quite handsome," she assured me, taking me in her hand. She gently ran her hand over my length, her palm like ice around me.

"I know this is so wrong, but I love you so much, and I can't let you go. Not now, not ever. I-I think we're mates," she mumbled, letting her hand go.

I sat up, not the least bit surprised by her statement. "Of course we are. I've loved you since day one, just like Carlisle. I remember when Carlisle brought you in after he bit you in the morgue. I thought for sure you were the one for me, but then he started to explain to me why he changed you in the first place. He said he loved you. I was so enraged that I refused to leave my room for weeks. I never talked to you, or even acknowledged you, not because I didn't like you, but because I liked you too much. I didn't want to ruin what Carlisle and you had. Every time I saw you two together I became so jealous, because I wanted you, I thought I deserved you more than him. I hid my emotions from the both of you because I was so ashamed of what I had become," I admitted, not nearly as embarrassed as I thought I'd be. Esme put me at ease. With her I didn't need to be perfect, I just need to be myself. With her just Edward would suffice.

"I'm so sorry you had to suffer, honey," she whispered, positioning herself between my knees. Butterflies began to creep in my stomach as I imagined what it would be like to finally have Esme, really have her, for the first time.

"When I woke up to Carlisle I knew I had found my soul-mate, for I had met him before when I was six-teen, and fell into a deep fascination with him. Then I met you, and though my feelings for Carlisle didn't change they were suddenly stretched to accommodate you both. Do you believe it's possible I was meant to be with both of you? Do you believe I could have two mates?" she inquired, tilting her head slightly to the left. Her eyes begged for an answer, though my lips seemed to be sewed shut. My lips wouldn't form an answer, couldn't form an answer. The thought of having Esme but having to share her with Carlisle, was almost sickening. I wanted her, but I would be fair. Either she was my honest wife or nothing.

"I-I don't know, Esme," I stuttered, my passion slowly dying. Suddenly the pure lust that had coasted through my veins mere minutes ago was gone, replaced by the looming thought of what would happen after this. After Carlisle came back and decisions were made. Marriages would be broken, relationships formed. Could I handle this? I didn't feel like I could.

I made a move to get up but Esme promptly stopped me by placing a hand on my chest, pushing me back to the floor.

"Please, Edward, listen to me. I love you. I love you so much, and I want to live my life with you. Don't leave, stay here and live with Carlisle and I. We can make it work, I know we can. Carlisle will understand, I know he will, and once he does we can come up with some kind of compromise. I want to have a relationship with you, I really do. I'm already married to Carlisle but that doesn't mean I can't be your lover. Can we please just be lovers for now?" she pleaded, grabbing my face in-between her hands. Her skin was satiny smooth, and although it wasn't a deciding factor in my decision it did help, for it reminded me what I loved about Esme.

Her charisma, her loving nature, her openness and honesty. I loved her body and how soft and feminine she was when compared to my own. I adored her curves and how different she was then other women, human women. She was perfect. My lovely Esme.

"Whatever you want, Esme, I'll be happy with. I just want you, and if that means I have to be the side act for the moment I will. But I want you to know that one day I will make you my wife and we will lie together as matrimonial partners. I have already sinned but I will not live my entire life in it. I want something to hold onto, even if it's as materialistic as a wedding band," I said stoutly, my confidence surprising both Esme and I.

Her mouth opened to form a little 'o', her eyes widening as she processed my words.

"I suppose that would be alright, but later. Right now I am Carlisle's wife, and I love him very much, as much as I love you. Please understand that I'm not leaving Carlisle for you. He means quite a lot in my life. I was his singer after all," she reminded me. A surge of jealousy flowed through me, causing me to bristle defensively.

"I'll never know if you were my singer, since I've never seen you before the immortal age of twenty-six, so please don't act like Carlisle is some sort of God because he saw you before you became a vampire," I snapped. She pouted, which of course made me feel awful about my comment, but surprisingly enough I didn't take it back. The anger and jealously Carlisle ignited within me was far too great to make me feel bad about my envious words.

"I know, I know. I shouldn't have even brought that up, it doesn't even matter now. All that matters right now is you, and how much I need you to stay _here_. Please promise me you won't leave."

I started into her eyes, searching for some type of empty promise, something that would cause me to second guess my answer, but I found none. Esme was being honest with me, as she always was. She really loved me, and she wanted me to stay, and this time I wouldn't be her friend, or even acquaintance, I would be her lover. I would be hers.

I pulled Esme closer toward me, her head instinctively curling into my shoulder. I inhaled her scent, relishing in the crisp smell. How lovely it is to be with the one you love for the first time. She awaited my reply anxiously, her eyes darting from me to the floor and back again. I gave her a soft chuckle, easing her anxiety if only a little.

"Of course I'll stay, why on earth would I leave now? All I really wanted was you," I promised her, leaning over to kiss her cheek lightly. A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth, causing me to raise one eyebrow in suspicion.

"What's wrong?"

She rolled her shoulders, shrugging slightly, as her obvious distress didn't really matter, which it did. Any distress to her, little or big, mattered.

"I was just wondering what you meant when you said you wanted to live 'like a normal vampire'," she whispered softly, her eyes purposely avoiding mine.

"It was just something I spit out, nothing more than some angry thoughts. As long as I have you, why would I need human blood? Trust me, I'm fine. It was just something I said to make Carlisle feel guilty. It was rude and mean. I shouldn't have said it," I grumbled. I suppose some of what I said I meant, though most of it was a lie. I would be able to survive with an animal blood diet with Esme by my side, but the cravings for human blood wouldn't die. If anything they would become stronger. Luckily for me I have become a true master at suppressing certain things.

Esme gave me a halfhearted grin and sat back up, positioning her entrance at the tip of my length.

"Well, in that case…"

A groan escaped my throat as she began grinding herself against me, her core threateningly close to the place I needed her most. She giggled at my expression, her ruby red lips twisting into a smile, her eyes bright in the dim lighting.

I sat up just enough to yank my shirt off, tossing it aside so Esme could take in my now naked form. She purred seductively, pressing her palms against my chest.

"Perfect," she promised sweetly.

I ran a finger over her right nipple causing her to jump at the sudden pleasure. She tipped her head back and let out a long moan, her hands dancing across my thighs. I felt her juices leak onto my leg where she was sitting, causing my erection to come to life once again.

"I could say the same thing to you my dear."

She giggled and rocked against me, the friction almost causing me to lose it right there, but somehow I managed to keep it together, the thought of having her around me too delicious to waste. She wrapped her arms around my neck, preparing herself for what was to come. I moved my hips, lining her core up to meet my tip. She groaned at the sensation and shut her eyes tightly. I mimicked her actions, allowing the pleasure to take control of my body.

And then the inevitable happened.

"Esme?! W-what are you doing?!"

Carlisle.

Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

* * *

**Hope you liked it! If you want another chapter make sure to review and tell me what you thought about it!**


End file.
